Just Me!

On love, and only one God.

I hate those nights when you just can’t get something out of your mind. Even more, when you can’t get someone out of your thoughts. I often ask myself how it is that people fall for each other. Is there a rule, a secret equation, or is it the hand of God that has people come together. I have discovered one thing, Love and relationships are a million times more complex than the standard romantic comedy. 

Boy chases girl, the girl doesn’t always fall for him at the end. A wise woman once asked, “Are you the heart breaker, or the heart broken?”. For too long I had been the heart broken. I had to ask God. “Why?”. It was because I wanted my life to flow the perfect movie plot; and life, my friends is a far reality from the movies. People, emotions and LOVE are complicated. 

I realized today. I must fall in Love with God. He has never abandoned me, never let me down, never neglected or rejected me. He always answers my call, and even when I don’t want to talk he listens. I realized, I have to learn to love the One who loves me unconditionally. I don’t understand unconditional love, I’ve rarely if ever known it. Everyone has conditions. I set conditions. God only asks of me “believe me”. Today I realized, I don’t know love. I have never felt true passionate, genuine love for a person. but God, He is my strength. Through times of weakness and despair. through tears and pain, through joy and happiness, He has always been there. 

I pray today: God, show me how to love the way You do. and bring people in my life who will be okay with me loving You more than them. I love you!!!

this city…

I’m an Angelino at heart. I love this city, it truly amazes me. I sometimes drive though it and am in awe of its vastness, diversity and beauty. 
The past weeks I’ve been commuting to work via the Metro. I mean, the full metro. Orange line, to Red Line to bus!!! full works.

I’ve notice how disconnected people are!! The Metro is silent. people of different ages, changing faces… and still, not one friendly!! Technology has left behind greetings. People walk, sit, ignore.

earbuds in, ipods out, phones in hand. everyone ignores. stillness and quiet rule the air. few smile.

what has happened to us. My generation is connected online, but not in person. I include myself here. I have three email accounts, a Facebook, Twitter, Goggle+ and tumblr. I’m connected to distance.. but I often ask myself, how connected am I to reality?? 

Yesterday a woman sat next to me on the ride into downtown. she was listening to music and started to cry. I was reading a book. I wanted to hug her, ask her what was wrong, comfort her. But… she didn’t hear me ask “are you OK?”. My voice was somber, I wanted to speak to her but didn’t want people to stare at her pain. She heard me not. she cried in her loudness, while in that train everything was silent. It broke my heart. I was going to put my hand on her shoulder, but her phone ran, she picked it up and started texting away. Her tears rolled even more, she kept wiping tears from her cheeks. my heart broke for her, but she did not hear me. 

God, I never want that to be me!! I never want to be so closed in that I can’t hear the voice crying out to help me. 

#whyimsingle

This is now trending on Twitter. I find it so funny! singleness is defineatly an odd question to answert to.

so many things could be said. My summation:

“I’m single because I’m waiting for the one man who will lOve God more than me.”

because then, when there is temptation in his life, he will have God to think of, not me!!! eeppp

Of friends and Loves…

When we look back at life, we will remember the pleasant memories of friends and loved ones. Few times we will remember those who hurt us, those who broke our hearts, those who injured us.
It takes a very strong person to love those who have hurt us. Even  more, it takes courages to keep people in your life when they don’t want you in theirs.
I was looking through a yearbook yesterday, I remember those days when everyone swore and promised “best friends forever”. My best friend at the time promised we would see each other grown old.
In reality, the fall after high school came and we went different ways.

Next summer it will be ten years since I graduated from high school…(gulP)!
and I am very happy to not be the girl I was back then.
I look back with tender memories of friends and “loves” who are now part of my past.
Don’t misunderstand me, I plan to make those friends part of my present, and hopefuly of the future. we are not enemies, just distanced friends.
but new people are now in my life. I am a new person.

friends and loves, it’s an ever evolving cycle!!